And I know
You're the only one who remembers
Who saw the fire burning down
To the embers
Who made this town fall down
In a moment
You're the only one who knows
What my words meant
You're the only one who knows
Where my soul went
You're the only one
Who saw my face clearly
The only person in the world
That could see me
The only person in the world
Who could free me.
Saturday 7 April 2012
Patriarch
Bodies age,
But memories grow stronger
And even stories untold
Live on in the hearts
And in the minds
Of those who came after.
What we are,
We would not be without you.
And we might not say,
But know we think about you,
And are grateful for the family that you gave us,
And we all know
That you're the one that made us.
Sit back now and enjoy the night before you,
Surrounded by your family who adore you.
But memories grow stronger
And even stories untold
Live on in the hearts
And in the minds
Of those who came after.
What we are,
We would not be without you.
And we might not say,
But know we think about you,
And are grateful for the family that you gave us,
And we all know
That you're the one that made us.
Sit back now and enjoy the night before you,
Surrounded by your family who adore you.
The World We Saw
You said the fire went out
And I thought about the games
In the rain
Behind your house
When we were younger
And all the times
We laughed at people
Who couldn't understand
The world we saw
That now you see no longer
And I thought about the games
In the rain
Behind your house
When we were younger
And all the times
We laughed at people
Who couldn't understand
The world we saw
That now you see no longer
Tuesday 3 April 2012
Spring
In the spring
The heart sings
A new song
And all the cold of winter
Thaws
And you feel
More
Things you never felt before
Or just forgot
And as the sun slowly warms the earth
You find your own rebirth
And find the worth within the world
And the planet turns toward the sun
And all you want to do is run
And feel the fire from up above
Spreading colour
Spreading love.
The heart sings
A new song
And all the cold of winter
Thaws
And you feel
More
Things you never felt before
Or just forgot
And as the sun slowly warms the earth
You find your own rebirth
And find the worth within the world
And the planet turns toward the sun
And all you want to do is run
And feel the fire from up above
Spreading colour
Spreading love.
Monday 2 April 2012
Streaming Feelings/Dreaming
It feels like a dream to me
The bit where we went flying
Over fields
And meadows and moors and
More
So much more
Than I remember in the morning.
I held your hand at sundown
And the town had never looked
So good
As when I saw your face
Reflected in the windows
Of the stores.
I wanted more
But dreams aren't built to last
And when I'm awake
They fade so fast
And you were just who I wanted
But you were not who you are.
The bit where we went flying
Over fields
And meadows and moors and
More
So much more
Than I remember in the morning.
I held your hand at sundown
And the town had never looked
So good
As when I saw your face
Reflected in the windows
Of the stores.
I wanted more
But dreams aren't built to last
And when I'm awake
They fade so fast
And you were just who I wanted
But you were not who you are.
Haunted
Haunted by ghosts
On every corner
On every bend in the road of my mind
The things I find
I found I couldn't leave behind
And I went blind
And I couldn't see
The path ahead
And you're still dead
And waking is the hardest thing
Cos awake I cannot hear you sing.
On every corner
On every bend in the road of my mind
The things I find
I found I couldn't leave behind
And I went blind
And I couldn't see
The path ahead
And you're still dead
And waking is the hardest thing
Cos awake I cannot hear you sing.
Thursday 15 March 2012
Sold Out
(Note: this is inspired by things that are happening at work at the moment to people I care about. It’s an extrapolation and doesn’t mean I’ve lost my job, so please don;t worry - yet!)
SOLD OUT
The shop is a funny place after closing time, when all the customers have gone, and the displays are no longer trying to impress. Not all the lights go out, and instead of being pitch dark, the whole store is bathed in a gentle, dull yellow light. The normally gleaming products retreat into the dusk, and there’s just enough light left in the building to make your way along the aisles without bumping into the fixtures.
Or at least, that’s how Morris remembered it. Right now, there were no normally gleaming products, and the dusk was embracing only empty shelves. The shutters were down over both windows, so the only light coming from outside was coming through the clear glass door, tinted red by the opaque red poster stuck to the glass: CLOSING DOWN SALE – ALL STOCK MUST GO.
And all stock had gone. In its final days, for the first time in what felt like ages, the store had managed to succeed at something. Morris grinned to himself. If only the floods of customers who had come for a bargain over the last week had stopped by more often, there would be one less empty store on the retail park, and one less fifty-five year old unemployed man, standing in the dim light of his former livelihood, and wondering what on earth he was going to do with himself now.
Just hours ago, still with some stock on the shelves, Morris had been in his element, doing what he did best. The buzz of a busy day, moving from customer to customer, putting every penny possible in the till, like he’d always been told. But too late to save anything. He was just seeing it through to the end now. It was only right. Washing machines, TVs, fridges, computers; the stock was flying out, and Morris wished they’d not had to lay all the warehouse staff off the year before. With only Morris, Karen and two salespeople left, it was a challenge. But then again, they didn’t have to worry about impressing these customers enough to bring them back again. Repeat business only matters when your business is still going to be open in the morning.
He thought back to the day he’d been promoted to Store Manager. He’d been so proud. Karen and all the other admin girls had bought him a posh new shirt and tie from the department store that used to be the best and busiest place in town. It was a pawn shop last time he’d been past. Robin, the Area Manager had come over especially to shake his hand and sign his new contract. He’d already been Deputy Manager for five years, but now he had his own store, and he was going to make it work.
And for almost three decades, make it work he did. Unlike most managers, Morris had been with the company since he’d left school at sixteen. Five years as a salesman, five years as Deputy Manager, and twenty-nine years as Store Manager, there was nothing Morris didn’t know about his business, about his customers, and about his colleagues. People loved working for him, because he cared more than most bosses. Whenever his staff told him that, he always felt proud.
And now, here he was, in his empty store, standing in the dim light.
“There you are,” said a voice behind him, “we thought you’d have joined us to get unspeakably drunk by now.”
Karen, his administrator, was stood behind him. He smiled as she moved closer, and took hold of his hand.
“I couldn’t face it,” he said, “not just yet.”
“I know the feeling,” she said, smiling at him. “It’s a tough job, saying goodbye to this place.”
“Do you remember when we opened this store?” he asked.
“Yeah, how could I forget? Grand re-opening, brand new out of town Retail Park! Such a bright future we had. The store was state of the art, so much better than the old place!”
“And busier,” Morris laughed, “that first day was even busier than today! Do you remember?”
“Yeah, but at least we had more staff back then. There were about thirty of us, all working that launch day. And the guys from the local stores!”
“Yeah, I seem to remember you appreciating the guys from the local stores!” Morris said.
“Well, I was a young girl back then. I had a lot to learn!”
“Yeah, well you turned out OK in the end,” Morris said. He’d always liked Karen. She was clever, and witty, and funny and incredibly good at her job. The store never failed an audit, and the customers used to love her.
“You didn’t do too badly yourself, boss,” Karen said, gently.
“Well, I don’t suppose it matters anymore, does it?”
“Don’t you ever say that,” Karen said, and Morris could hear a bit of anger in her voice, and could see her trying to keep it in check, “none of this is your fault. Not one of us in these stores did anything wrong. Just because the boys above were so busy aiming for silly targets and statistics, just because they forgot that the most important thing is keeping the customers happy and putting money in the till…”
“Well, we can’t blame it all on the bosses,” Morris said, “There is a recession on. People are buying less, when they are buying they’re doing it online…”
“I know,” Karen said, “but the idiots above had so many warnings, and so many chances to make it better, and every single time, all they did was focus on the things that don’t matter.”
Morris couldn’t disagree. The amount of times in the last five years that he’d been sent on new training courses, or had to endure stupid conference calls because senior management had decided on yet another new direction that was absolutely going to turn the company round and put them back in profit, and was in no way going to be an unmitigated disaster like the similar initiative that had launched and failed six months before. The business had got too big, and had forgotten the little things that had once made it great.
“You’re right,” he said, “but then again, you were always a clever girl.”
“Is that why you hired me?”
Morris laughed at that. “Yes, that must’ve been it.”
“It’s funny,” Karen said, “for me, you were the one that hired me. So you were here at the beginning, and you’re still here at the end.”
“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” Morris said, “I guess I’m still struggling to accept that this is the end.”
“You’re still wearing your badge,” Karen said, pointing to the gold nametag on Morris’ tie. MORRIS. STORE MANAGER.
“I guess I’m just not ready to take it off yet,” Morris said, his face a picture of sadness.
Karen unzipped her jacket. For a moment, Morris wondered what the hell was happening, then he saw, attached to her blouse: KAREN. SENIOR ADMINISTRATOR. “Me neither,” she smiled.
“How about we do it together?” he said.
Karen laughed. “I always knew you had a soft spot for me!”
Morris blushed bright red. “No, no, I didn’t mean that… I meant…”
“I know what you meant,” Karen said, still smiling, “but then again, you’re not my boss anymore!”
“Is that a good thing?” Morris asked.
“Who knows?” Karen smiled, “it could be.”
Morris unpinned his badge, and put it down on the counter. Karen did the same. Together, they opened the door. Karen stepped out into the cool of the night first. Morris turned, took one last look at the empty store. He hit the master switch, and even the dim lights went out, covering the store in darkness. Morris turned away, stepped into the night, and locked the door behind him.
SOLD OUT
The shop is a funny place after closing time, when all the customers have gone, and the displays are no longer trying to impress. Not all the lights go out, and instead of being pitch dark, the whole store is bathed in a gentle, dull yellow light. The normally gleaming products retreat into the dusk, and there’s just enough light left in the building to make your way along the aisles without bumping into the fixtures.
Or at least, that’s how Morris remembered it. Right now, there were no normally gleaming products, and the dusk was embracing only empty shelves. The shutters were down over both windows, so the only light coming from outside was coming through the clear glass door, tinted red by the opaque red poster stuck to the glass: CLOSING DOWN SALE – ALL STOCK MUST GO.
And all stock had gone. In its final days, for the first time in what felt like ages, the store had managed to succeed at something. Morris grinned to himself. If only the floods of customers who had come for a bargain over the last week had stopped by more often, there would be one less empty store on the retail park, and one less fifty-five year old unemployed man, standing in the dim light of his former livelihood, and wondering what on earth he was going to do with himself now.
Just hours ago, still with some stock on the shelves, Morris had been in his element, doing what he did best. The buzz of a busy day, moving from customer to customer, putting every penny possible in the till, like he’d always been told. But too late to save anything. He was just seeing it through to the end now. It was only right. Washing machines, TVs, fridges, computers; the stock was flying out, and Morris wished they’d not had to lay all the warehouse staff off the year before. With only Morris, Karen and two salespeople left, it was a challenge. But then again, they didn’t have to worry about impressing these customers enough to bring them back again. Repeat business only matters when your business is still going to be open in the morning.
He thought back to the day he’d been promoted to Store Manager. He’d been so proud. Karen and all the other admin girls had bought him a posh new shirt and tie from the department store that used to be the best and busiest place in town. It was a pawn shop last time he’d been past. Robin, the Area Manager had come over especially to shake his hand and sign his new contract. He’d already been Deputy Manager for five years, but now he had his own store, and he was going to make it work.
And for almost three decades, make it work he did. Unlike most managers, Morris had been with the company since he’d left school at sixteen. Five years as a salesman, five years as Deputy Manager, and twenty-nine years as Store Manager, there was nothing Morris didn’t know about his business, about his customers, and about his colleagues. People loved working for him, because he cared more than most bosses. Whenever his staff told him that, he always felt proud.
And now, here he was, in his empty store, standing in the dim light.
“There you are,” said a voice behind him, “we thought you’d have joined us to get unspeakably drunk by now.”
Karen, his administrator, was stood behind him. He smiled as she moved closer, and took hold of his hand.
“I couldn’t face it,” he said, “not just yet.”
“I know the feeling,” she said, smiling at him. “It’s a tough job, saying goodbye to this place.”
“Do you remember when we opened this store?” he asked.
“Yeah, how could I forget? Grand re-opening, brand new out of town Retail Park! Such a bright future we had. The store was state of the art, so much better than the old place!”
“And busier,” Morris laughed, “that first day was even busier than today! Do you remember?”
“Yeah, but at least we had more staff back then. There were about thirty of us, all working that launch day. And the guys from the local stores!”
“Yeah, I seem to remember you appreciating the guys from the local stores!” Morris said.
“Well, I was a young girl back then. I had a lot to learn!”
“Yeah, well you turned out OK in the end,” Morris said. He’d always liked Karen. She was clever, and witty, and funny and incredibly good at her job. The store never failed an audit, and the customers used to love her.
“You didn’t do too badly yourself, boss,” Karen said, gently.
“Well, I don’t suppose it matters anymore, does it?”
“Don’t you ever say that,” Karen said, and Morris could hear a bit of anger in her voice, and could see her trying to keep it in check, “none of this is your fault. Not one of us in these stores did anything wrong. Just because the boys above were so busy aiming for silly targets and statistics, just because they forgot that the most important thing is keeping the customers happy and putting money in the till…”
“Well, we can’t blame it all on the bosses,” Morris said, “There is a recession on. People are buying less, when they are buying they’re doing it online…”
“I know,” Karen said, “but the idiots above had so many warnings, and so many chances to make it better, and every single time, all they did was focus on the things that don’t matter.”
Morris couldn’t disagree. The amount of times in the last five years that he’d been sent on new training courses, or had to endure stupid conference calls because senior management had decided on yet another new direction that was absolutely going to turn the company round and put them back in profit, and was in no way going to be an unmitigated disaster like the similar initiative that had launched and failed six months before. The business had got too big, and had forgotten the little things that had once made it great.
“You’re right,” he said, “but then again, you were always a clever girl.”
“Is that why you hired me?”
Morris laughed at that. “Yes, that must’ve been it.”
“It’s funny,” Karen said, “for me, you were the one that hired me. So you were here at the beginning, and you’re still here at the end.”
“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” Morris said, “I guess I’m still struggling to accept that this is the end.”
“You’re still wearing your badge,” Karen said, pointing to the gold nametag on Morris’ tie. MORRIS. STORE MANAGER.
“I guess I’m just not ready to take it off yet,” Morris said, his face a picture of sadness.
Karen unzipped her jacket. For a moment, Morris wondered what the hell was happening, then he saw, attached to her blouse: KAREN. SENIOR ADMINISTRATOR. “Me neither,” she smiled.
“How about we do it together?” he said.
Karen laughed. “I always knew you had a soft spot for me!”
Morris blushed bright red. “No, no, I didn’t mean that… I meant…”
“I know what you meant,” Karen said, still smiling, “but then again, you’re not my boss anymore!”
“Is that a good thing?” Morris asked.
“Who knows?” Karen smiled, “it could be.”
Morris unpinned his badge, and put it down on the counter. Karen did the same. Together, they opened the door. Karen stepped out into the cool of the night first. Morris turned, took one last look at the empty store. He hit the master switch, and even the dim lights went out, covering the store in darkness. Morris turned away, stepped into the night, and locked the door behind him.
Friday 2 March 2012
Force and Feeling
Channeling forces I don't know the name of,
Feeling feelings I forgot the shame of,
Painting pictures with these words from places
Where we left all our forgotten faces.
Abstract notions that betray our feelings,
Climbing higher 'till we hit the ceiling,
Forces found within the music playing,
Have to say I don't know if I'm staying,
Or going away to somewhere warm and kinder.
Send a postcard and I'll come and find you.
Feeling feelings I forgot the shame of,
Painting pictures with these words from places
Where we left all our forgotten faces.
Abstract notions that betray our feelings,
Climbing higher 'till we hit the ceiling,
Forces found within the music playing,
Have to say I don't know if I'm staying,
Or going away to somewhere warm and kinder.
Send a postcard and I'll come and find you.
Thursday 16 February 2012
Writers' Circle
So many years ago I used to be a member of a local writers' circle. On Tuesday night I re-joined. It was a member's evening, so everyone took a photo and had to write whatever came to mind. I had the above photo, and wrote the following pieces:
First Impressions
This looks like the central or main staircase in some sort of grand house. Maybe "house" is being somewhat unkind - a castle? A mansion? A chateaux?
There's a curious lack of symmetry to the image, almost like whoever put up the lights wanted any person ascending the stairs to go to the left rather than the right.
Of course, this probably has more to do with the angle from which the photograph was taken, so maybe the photographer's thoughts were wandering to the left, and it's best left to the imagination as to why that would be.
We can see stairs going off from left to right, and in the centre a passage of sorts, leading to the same place you might find the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, that is to say, the place you can only reach via your own imagination.
Either that, or the drawing room.
Other Impressions
This is a haunted staircase. No amount of lights shining upon the walls could deter the Grey Lady when she is afoot.
Many years ago, fleeing from her cruel and violent lover, she reached the top of the last, wide flight of stairs, and could see the summer haze wisping into the house through the open front door below.
As she fell, gathering speed towards that summer haze; towards freedom, even as her life was ending in thuds and thumps and violence, she could think only of how beautiful the day outside looked.
The day she'd failed to reach.
And so, now, every summer, and only in the summer, the Grey Lady walks. She means no harm, of course. She just wants to see the sunlight.
And she wishes she could feel it, more than anything in the world.
Saturday 11 February 2012
A Memory
Could you stay a while longer?
Can’t believe it’s time for you
To leave.
Struggling to breathe
Without you here
To bathe me in your light
And stop my fear.
I’d know you in an instant
If I saw your face again
I’d forget all about now
To go back and see you then.
Forever is a long time
To keep your memory alive
But I miss you even after
The sobs have turned to sighs.
And I’ll meet you once again
On the wasteland in my dreams
And I’ll forget to ask you
Where you’ve been.
Can’t believe it’s time for you
To leave.
Struggling to breathe
Without you here
To bathe me in your light
And stop my fear.
I’d know you in an instant
If I saw your face again
I’d forget all about now
To go back and see you then.
Forever is a long time
To keep your memory alive
But I miss you even after
The sobs have turned to sighs.
And I’ll meet you once again
On the wasteland in my dreams
And I’ll forget to ask you
Where you’ve been.
Saturday 28 January 2012
Pavements
The pavements lead to places
That my heart might yearn to find
As I wander through the city
And I try to leave behind
The person I became
When I became someone I'm not
And the things I did back then
That I would rather time forgot.
And all these urban landscapes
Seem in many ways the same
And I am looking for somebody
But I don't even know his name
For how can I know the name
Of the love I've yet to meet
But if I just keep going,
If I keep wandering the streets...
And all around me there are people
And all the people are alone
And I don't know where I'm going
But I wish I had a home.
That my heart might yearn to find
As I wander through the city
And I try to leave behind
The person I became
When I became someone I'm not
And the things I did back then
That I would rather time forgot.
And all these urban landscapes
Seem in many ways the same
And I am looking for somebody
But I don't even know his name
For how can I know the name
Of the love I've yet to meet
But if I just keep going,
If I keep wandering the streets...
And all around me there are people
And all the people are alone
And I don't know where I'm going
But I wish I had a home.
Wednesday 11 January 2012
The Choice
When you waste away in water,
You can swim and you know you ought to,
But when you fell and no-one caught you,
It almost broke your heart.
You could die and who would miss you?
Who’d have been the last to kiss you?
Have you had enough of this?
You don’t know where to go.
To the bottom of the ocean
Dying with the downward motion
Or maybe you might get the notion
That you need to float.
And swim back up and breathe the air
And find somebody who will care
And bring you back and keep you there
And give thanks that you’re alive.
You can swim and you know you ought to,
But when you fell and no-one caught you,
It almost broke your heart.
You could die and who would miss you?
Who’d have been the last to kiss you?
Have you had enough of this?
You don’t know where to go.
To the bottom of the ocean
Dying with the downward motion
Or maybe you might get the notion
That you need to float.
And swim back up and breathe the air
And find somebody who will care
And bring you back and keep you there
And give thanks that you’re alive.
Some Kind of Love Poem
Words of anonymity
That wake you from your dream
Finding an affinity
But are you what you seem?
Wonder where you’re sending me
When you send me away.
Now your voice is mending me
In ways I cannot say.
That wake you from your dream
Finding an affinity
But are you what you seem?
Wonder where you’re sending me
When you send me away.
Now your voice is mending me
In ways I cannot say.
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